Doug-Ross.com

I remember sending funny little notes to girls when we were in 4th grade.  I mean, what the heck does a nine year old think this is all about? 

“Roses are red, violets are blue, I wish you liked me, Be-cause I like you.”

A few years later I got it!

“Be my Valentine!”

Sixty years later.

“Please let me be your Valentine?”

What I am thinking is that the thing to do is to quietly and with focus, say I’m going to be your Valentine.  Do this in your mind.  You won’t need to tell the person, because if you act like their Valentine, they will know you love them.

” I will be your Valentine!”

Here in the US of A, California beaches lead the league in Bocce tournaments. I won the World Championship and lost it a year later on Stinson Beach.  Marcus Hauser of Austria, current champ,  is open to a challenge  in his country, though beaches are very rare there!

Read my somewhat business oriented book (contracts and agreements) by clicking here.  The title is Beach Bocce Champion: Be A Winner! 

For the Kindle version, click here.

Here, on youtube, are three excellent fielding drill videos for little leaguers.  Together they address how to field the ball far enough in front of the flelder to avoid the possiblility of getting hit in the face with a ground ball (all beginners seem to have this fear), and also how to use both hands in catching a ball and why that is important.  Too many kids try to catch one handed like they see the major leaguers do on TV .  The throwing hand covers the ball as it hits the glove and prepares for the throw. 

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mBjPq_R6wbI&list=PL5C953C4036045660&index=4&feature=plpp_video

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eIvfAkEPAOg&list=PL5C953C4036045660&index=3&feature=plpp_video

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=98nYdcKaSsM&feature=BFa&list=PL5C953C4036045660&lf=plpp_video

It is for me!  My kind of consulting is known as Process Consulting, it’s not about what, but more about how!  How do we make this change we know we need to accomplish?  “I know the way and carry the bags”. The largest tool in my bag is professional facilitation!  Yes, I have been a Strategic Planner, and have produced LeadershipTraining aimed at improvment of skills. I’ve been a conflict solver and mediator.    I’ve worked for many different sized and shaped organizations, and in all of those roles I have been facilitative.  I bring collaborative people and groups together with purpose and self generated goals.  People who engage together in the best interests of all are the best at managing and delivering lasting change.

The classsic group development paradign is that the sequence of growth is “Forming, Storming, Norming and Performing.  The forming stage can be thought of as entrepreneurial, the founder being the entrpreneur.  Think of Hewlett and Packard, Jobs and Wozniac, or Zuckerberg and his buddies. 

The Storming goes on in private as the founding entrepreneur recruits his or her staff.  Leadership uses a Vision to craft a “culture” that will lead to success.  It can be a stormy time as multiple ideas are blended.  Leadership holds the storm together until some Norms become that culture.

Norming establishes the structure and culture, and “how we do things around here” must cohere with a Marketing Plan.  That plan needs tactics to implement, Sales are those tactics.

How the sales approach succeeds is the measure of Performance.  Next, it succeeds or falls short.  Groups often recycle back through storming and norming as they adjust to new factors and sitations.  In these days of rapid change the need to reset is comm0n.  In business, new marketing plans are needed more frequently, and new sales tactics are introduced.

While this blog isn’t about leadership, a strong vison that is also open to change and improvenment is important to building a lasting business.  Jim Collins and Jerry Porras wrote about best leadership qualities in Built to Last. They note that charismatic leaders who often make the news, don’t always generate the stability needed to produce a culture that outlsts them. 

Being single is (1) common, (2) not so bad, and (3) not quite enough!  Can a single person be happy?  Satisfied?  Even if the answers are both yes, a loving companion still is at the top of my list.  So how do you find the right person, especially as you grow a little older?

Here are some common answers:

• Put yourself out there, get involved socially
• Don’t be a “hunter”
• Dress well, clean up, strand straight, smile a little
• Think in terms of a friendship first
• Go to church
• Join organizations of people your age
• Go on an internet dating service, or many of them
• Be positive all the time (Law of Attraction)

My own values are to be yourself, be authentic, be a good or great listener, share feelings, be dependable, know how to appreciate others and let them know you care, and as in item 4 above, think first about being  friends.

What is that about – being friends?  To me it is about finding out who another person is.  Asking about them and their lives rather that start by selling yourself. Find out what you have in common that will make conversation easier.  Be willing to explore the other persons activities that are a bit of a stretch for you, at least be open to trying something different.

How about knowing yourself?  Don’t we all know ourselves? My answer is” much less than we think”.  Sometimes we just are who we are and let other people know we aren’t interesting in making any adjustments.  I have always wanted to know what some of the people who know me best think of me.  I like getting their perspective. What do they think are my best qualities?  We perceive ourselves to be a certain way, but do others agree?

There are many personality tests we could take to learn about ourselves, and often we have taken some as we seek a job or want some counseling.  Another technique I like for getting feedback is to send out about 15 emails to people I know,  like, and respect and ask them to say what they think are my strengths.  Not all of them will respond, but even if only six or seven do, you look for what they agree on.

Though a general rule of relationships is that you should never try to change a partner, you might well be willing to change yourself to be more successful, and that goes for both finding a love or being successful in a job.  It isn’t easy to change! It takes attention to not do what we’ve always done, but as it is often said, “If you do what you’ve always done, you’ll get what you always got.”

You can change, and with some good feedback, you will get a sense of the most important adjustments that will help you.

I am an author, and one of my favoirite books is titled Finding Personal Success: Knowing Ourselves. Here is a link to it.  Finding Success

Amidst our fears of dimentia from a variety of disorders, and including our efforts to stave off that moment when we can no longer care for ourselves adequately, how can we understand what is normal for us as we and our brains age?  We asked this question in the Brain Health group from Continuting the Conversation.   Interestingly, eight of us were rendered speechless!  We’ll take it up at out next meeting!

One thing that stands out for me as we look at our own prospects is that we want to remain independent with dignity as long as we possibly can.  Sorting though reems of ways to do that, what stands out for me is to stay engaged, engaged with your spouse, with a good friend, with your family, with organizations, with your community, and with life in  general.  Do something!  don’t quit!

Growing older seems to me to work best when it can be done with grace.  Be better at listening.  Allow the other person to articulate. Listen well, understand, offer brief  responses.  Do not, never, go on and on!  How do you know?  Watch them as you talk.  If they are looking around, seeing what other person they want to enagage with, You are on thin ice.  Stop speaking.

Look, you know what you know.  Stay in that.  Don’t think you know more and venture into their territory. Become the c0nsumate listener.  Ask them what they think!  This always works.  Wouldn’t it for you?

If you do this well, you might be asked for your opinion, but don’t bet on it.

Doug

We all want to be successful, don’t we?  We wantr to be good at our work, and get paid for doing it well.  We want to be successful in friendships, in games and sports, in our hobbies, in our relationships and marriages.  So HOW do we do it?

We are each unique, even identical twins are different in smaller ways.  My question is whether we know enough about ourselves to take advantage of our unique skills, talents, and abilities.  Here is a good question to pursue.  Do others experience us like we do ourselves?

We can introspect, try to l0ok at ourselves objectively, list our strenghts and weaknesses; we can take a variety of tests about ourselves, and we can ask others to give us feedback, even if we don’t always like what is said! A colleague says to use email and ask 15 – 20 people we know to tell us what they think are our best skills.  We can imply that we are upgrading our resume, and they can help.  If you ask 20, maybe 12 will respond.  If they agree with each other, it is a pretty good bet this is true of us, at least as we are seen from outside.  We can then also ask ourselves if this list they help us make is complete.  What did they miss that we think is true of us.

In my book, Finding Personal Success, I propose several possible ways to make improvements.  The reader can and does choose what to do with the ideas.  I always find a new way I want to change.  These tips always seem to touch on my most recent needed improvement.  Give it a try!